Considering Marriage Courses
Let’s say you want to do a marriage course, or perhaps you want a course to recommend to others.
What do you look for? What really matters?
First of all, do you have any choice? If not, go to whatever is on offer! Most churches don’t run many marriage courses, unless they have actively decided to invest in it as a ministry. Those in highly populated areas might have a few options, but for many, marriage enrichment events are few and far-between. We encourage couples to go to anything that will help them think about their marriage in a helpful way. Having said that, there are still some factors you might consider:
1. Content. Is it overtly Christian, secular, or gently faith based? All have value but will deliver different content. Be clear on what you are getting and should therefore expect. We went to a secular course for both our own marriage preparation (20+ years ago) and for marriage enrichment a few years later. It was what was available, and it was great.
2. Format. Is it all delivery in lecture format, or is there time for the two of you to talk about the topics raised along the way? Or (as would be my own personal nightmare) is it larger group sharing of feelings and experiences?
3. Practicalities. It is for a weekend (residential or not), is it one evening over multiple weeks or perhaps just a one-off night? Can you make it work and leave the worries of home behind so that you both get the value from it?
My husband and I co-ordinate the marriage ministry at our church in Adelaide. We offer a marriage preparation course for engaged and newly married couples, as well as a marriage enrichment course for those already married. We wrote the enrichment course in response to what we felt was a need in our city. After years of preparing young couples for marriage (one of the many privileges of university and young adults ministry), we felt the distinct lack of things on offer once couples were actually married.
We were aware of the struggles that marriages were facing. Those early years as you build trust and really get to know each other, the challenges when children come (or not), and the realities that sin and suffering bring. Yet each marriage is different, facing myriad issues, and one small way of trying to encourage couples was to develop a course that could be used across ages and stages of a marriage.
There were three main features we chose to include in our marriage course:
1. A strongly Christian focus. We want to encourage believers to conduct their marriages in ways that honour God and serve his kingdom. We felt there were other courses available that were faith friendly or secular, so chose to purposely focus on Christian couples. We are open about the Christian content, so that inquiring couples are aware. Having said that, we had a unbelieving husband organise to come with his believing wife as his birthday gift to her!
2. Time for couples to talk with each other. Time is valuable and if a couple have put the time aside to come, we want them to talk together, not just hear a lecture. Each session does have upfront input, giving principles, ideas and guidance, but there is also lots of time for them to consider together how they might apply it personally.
3. Feedback on their own marriage. We included the Prepare-Enrich inventory as part of the course. Couples do the online questionnaires prior to coming and receive the report over the weekend, enabling one whole session to be quite specifically focused on the areas and stresses they are currently dealing with. Having done the inventory in advance also means they arrive having already started to think about their marriage.
As we talk to couples about marriage enrichment, the thing we keep saying is “do something”. Whether it’s going to course, reading a book together, listening to a podcast or choosing to share in depth with friends or mentors, keep putting time into your marriage. If things are hard and you are struggling, ask for and get help. Make choices that invest in this precious earthly relationship, through the whole of your lives together.
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Wendy Lin is a theology graduate, ministry wife and mother of three teens. She loves reading, reviewing books, speaking from the Bible and thinking through Christian living issues. Her husband ministers to university students and together they are involved in marriage & parenting ministries. Wendy blogs at musingsinadelaide.