Happy Father's Day, Dad!
Safe was never a word I used to describe my life growing up. It didn’t even occur to me that my home was safe. It just was. It was so normal to me to feel safe that I thought everybody’s home was like that. It wasn’t until I spent time in the home of my friends that I learnt the feeling of fear in relation to a father. I realised that a big reason my home was safe was because my dad displayed gentle strength. I think that is the best way to describe it; Strength used to serve, not to be served.
A gentle dad means you don’t need to be afraid when you have made a mistake. There is no anxiety in your child’s mind, worrying about ‘how dad will react’. The gentle dad doesn’t get angry over small things. He doesn’t rub your nose in your mistakes. A gentle dad holds his children accountable for their actions and disciplines appropriately. But there is never any fear, instead a trust that it is for their own good.
The gentle dad is dependable. He is there to help if needed; school projects, church events, or a late night pick up from a party. I never had to worry that my dad wouldn’t be there if I needed him; I could trust in him. The gentle dad doesn’t complain, but might still show up in his embarrassing paint-stained flannel shirt and track pants.
My gentle dad understood what it meant to raise girls. He took the time to listen. He did that well. He gave wide margins for creativity and personal growth; Blue pancakes, satay chicken lasagne, Ethiopian stew; he ate them all. In a desperate need to create and make something beautiful, I painted the door of his garage in an underwater scene, complete with fish and seaweed. My contribution was valued; He’s kept it that way for 25 years. When I dyed my hair purple, he smiled and said it looked great. He knew the place of true beauty and was concerned more about my inside heart than my outside appearance.
A gentle dad isn’t a pushover. He is steadfast in his values. To get our first driving lesson we had to sit through his lecture on how the car engine worked, and learn how to change a tyre. Dad was determined to raise smart, strong women who could handle themselves in a crisis. He also paid for the yearly NRMA roadside assistance policy, because he was also realistic about our willingness to change a tyre on the side of the road, despite his best efforts in teaching us.
The gentle dad is the spiritual leader of the home. He perseveres with morning devotions through the eye rolls, the loud sighs, the distractions. He was willing to lead us in the best way, not just the easiest way. He is faithful in showing up for church every week, praying for his family, and giving generously to the work of the gospel, both here and overseas. He leads by doing; setting the example for us to follow. He reflects the gentle, fatherly love and care of our heavenly father.
A wonderful blessing about growing up with a gentle dad, is that almost instinctively as an adult I have surrounded myself with other strong men who display gentleness. My husband, my boss, my church minister; They are incredibly strong men, yet they choose to be gentle. Secure in Christ and in themselves, they can celebrate my wins, encourage me in my weaknesses and help pick up the pieces of my failures. I’m not afraid of being trampled in their ambition, or of being left behind in insignificance. My role is valued and my voice is heard.
It takes incredible strength to be gentle. Through the power of the Holy Spirt, gentleness can grow as a fruit of a life lived in Christ. When faithful love and strength are used to care and serve, there is true safety. Gentleness is power that protects. It’s everything that our heavenly father is. It’s the way my dad chooses to live. One of my favourite psalms says
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” (Psalm 103 v. 8)
That’s a great description of gentleness. I understand what that feels like to experience, because I got to experience it growing up with my dad. I grieve with those who didn’t grow up with a gentle dad. If that is you, what your earthly fathers lacked, may it be yours in abundance through your heavenly Father. Our God is the perfect father, who is loving and gentle and kind. We are all blessed when men choose to follow in his ways.
So, thanks to all the gentle dads. Thanks for being safe. Thanks for showing us a part of what our heavenly father is like. Happy Father’s Day. Our prayer for you is ‘that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God.’ (Phil 1:9-11)
Clare grew up on the NSW south coast before moving to Sydney to work as a nurse. She is married to Stan and they have two children. Together they spent eight years working in the Middle East with CMS. They now attend St. Mark’s Anglican Church in Pennant Hills. Clare enjoys mentoring younger Christian women and reading the Bible with new believers.